Dear Hollywood,
I propose the following plot synopsis for a completely original, three episode, sci-fi special effects extravaganza. This is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is, of course completely coincidental:
"The Mother of All Wars"
A short while ago, in a galaxy not terribly far away, the Institutions of Power have gained control of the planet Dert, and the surrounding Solar System.
Using primitive religious bigotry's and Orwellian mind control techniques, the Institutions of Power have managed to divide Dert into fiercely warring camps, and to use the resulting chaos and strife to plunder and despoil the planet. Only a small resistance force remains intact to fight the Institutions of Power, and return freedom and justice to the people of Dert.
Our story begins with the prequel;
"The Mother of All Wars; Episode I, The Baag'Dad Menace."
Prince Deth-Plant, an up and coming politician, and counter-intelligence specialist from Hoam'land, meets Saa'dist the Cruel, overlord of the I'roc Territories, at an Institutions of Power PSYSOP's mixer. The two are instantly and magnetically attracted to each other. Their mutual hatred of I'ran, a renegade province bordering I'roc, and their shared affinity for absolute power, fuels a love affair for the ages. Passionate, kinky torture techniques bond the lovers in the quest for total domination of Dert.
Soon however, the pair begin to fear and distrust each others freaky, psychopathic tendencies, and strains begin to show in the relationship. Two unbalanced warriors, each with his own disturbing need for absolute power could never last.
The lovers part ways bitterly, with harsh words and recriminations. Prince Deth-Plant renounces his love for Saad'ist and begins to campaign against him within the Institutions of Power. Threats of mutual annihilation are exchanged. Saa'dist invades neighboring
Qu' ate, sparking division within the Institutions of Power, in his own quest for domination and plunder.
The bitter enemies battle it out to an inconclusive stalemate in the epic; "The Mother Of All Wars; Episode I, The Baag'Dad Menace".
Still strong and criminally devious despite a punishing brawl, Sadd'ist the Cruel plots and schemes to make Lord Deth-Plant pay for his humiliating romantic rebuff and inexcusable military incursions into Saa'dist's region of Lordship.
Hubris, and fixations of Dynasty and Empire blind Lord Deth-Plant to rebellious uprisings in Hoam'land. While grooming his eldest son, Deth-Plant II to succeed him to the throne, and paying out political chits to his masters, civil unrest, sparked by unfair taxation and lack of bread, grows daily.
Accusations are spread that Lord Deth-Plant is more concerned with his running feud with Saa'dist than the needs of the peasants of Hoam'land.
In secret council meetings, the Institutions of Power plot to depose Lord Deth-Plant and install Prince Clit-o'file, a politically manageable buffoon in his place. Lord Deth-Plant is overthrown and exiled to Tek'sass, where he grows ever more bitter and vengeful. Bitter at Saa'dist for remaining alive and in power, and vengeful at Hoam'land for casting him from the throne of Empire.
Meanwhile, through family connections and sinister skullduggery, Deth-Plant II is gaining ever more access to the highest circles of Power.
Finally, in a brilliant coup, Deth-Plant II gains the royal scepter of Hoam'land, and with Lord Deth-Plant I and his henchmen pulling the strings, begins the second episode of
"The Mother of All Wars". The cabal hatch a brilliant scheme to destroy Saa'dist, gain sole Overlordship of Dert, and teach Hoam'land a terrible lesson in fear.
Thus begins "The Mother of All Wars II; The Festival of Lights."….
I am Gnarlene:
Cultural Enema
Technician I
Born of the incestuous twin parents of corporate greed and political corruption, I am the
ill-conceived, hell spawned, progeny of the ruling Heterarchy.
I was misused and broken by the Corporate Machine, then left to starve and die in a lonely world of war and fear. But the mistreatment only made me stronger. I vowed to overthrow, once and for all, the Dark Lords of The Infernal Pit, who have only destruction and ruin in their hearts, and to re-crown the Earth herself, as her own Sovereign Domain.
Bent on self-annihilation and total planetary destruction, the "Axes of Evil" are at first too busy warring on each other to notice my growing powers.
Using sonic technologies and the psyops techniques encoded in the Fabulon Transmissions, I began to spread the word of the Doctrine of Fabulousness to a world eager for change, and to bear ideological arms against the forces of dark, despotic, wickedness.
Who are the enemies of Gnarlene?
My enemies are not people or Regimes. They are monsters. Monsters nurtured and trained by the Institutions of Power. Monsters long in the making, and long out of control, they now threaten the very future of the Planet:
The monstrous idea that war, atrocity, and murder can be rewarded in Heaven.
The monstrous idea that morality should be based upon metaphysical events that may occur after our deaths, instead of on our own real needs, the needs of our fellows and the needs of the environment we depend on for our lives and futures.
The monstrous idea that one sex is scripturally ordained to be master over another.
The monstrous idea that one race or sexual orientation is ordained to rule over another.
The monstrous idea of "Original Sin", which baptizes believers in a hideously rotten vat of shame, guilt and misogyny.
The monstrous idea of "Man's dominion over nature", reducing the Planet and everything on it to resources to be killed, extracted, and exploited for selfish, shortsighted gain.
These are the enemies of Gnarlene.
Powerful, monstrous, enemies which have wormed their way into innocent, susceptible minds through the diabolical workings of the Institutions of Power.
Many are joining forces to battle these monstrous creatures of wickedness and strife, and Gnarlene shall march fabulously forward with them. On to victory!
PLANT TREE’S
UPROOT BUSH
I get tired sometimes… you know….just living in my own head. So now I want to live in your head too! Move over.
Thank you for not driving your Paramilitary Penile Appliance over my economy car.
BUSH FOREST POLICY=AXES OF EVIL
If Beethoven were buried in an SUV he’d be rolling over in his grave
Hmmmm….I wonder how much O Sama had to pay Bush to destroy American democracy?
Mommy….am I a Faggot?
Mommy….am I
a Bulldyke?
War’s O.K. I guess. It’s not like we have any other problems to work on presently.
Oh yeah. This guys gonna be
on money someday.
I think bumper sticker thoughts so you don’t have to
Do not irritate! Driver currently possessed by Satan.
(Weirdo bumpersticker)
Meet me after sunset, at the White Gables Motel.
Your rigid social mores are less than appealing to me Sweetie.
Heterosexuality isn’t normal…it’s cheap and common, like a bargain sale wig at Frocklands!
Sorry girls I’m Gay…. put your vaginas back in your pants
WAR is not Fabulous!
Whack Bush!
Remain President you may not….
You have caused a great
disturbance in the force.
The touching phone call home….. "no ma, don't worry. I'm safe. Motherfuckers I killed is plenty dead though."
So now they can democratically elect the exiled Ayatollah the Shiites dig on, and install another Islamic theocracy? Sweet.
So I lost track. Who won the war on drugs again?
Donald Rumsfeld's close personal friends in the defense industry are making a killing off this war. que sera sera
Who is profiting from the war on terror? Riddle me that Batman.
Memo on Exxon stationary:
Reminder to self. Send GW thank you card for the nice price spike. Ask for long war.
Please place your civil rights in the upright and locked position for war.
Is O Sama laughing his ass off or what?
It takes five hundred years to create an old growth forest. It only takes one Bush to cut it all down.
Hmmm. I wonder what's going on domestically behind the veils of war and secrecy?